s-f compassion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience compassion as a feeling of the mind towards other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through caring about others justify myself for not being HERE in the moment as the breath-making excuses such as 'compassion' towards others,to not actually stand up for ME in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I do not feel compassion/empathy towards others that there must be something 'wrong' with me -and define that as a 'unatural state'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and alowed myself to care what others might think of me if they are to notice that-I do not show compassion in situations they might think i should.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that they might think of me as being cold/wierd/strange becouse of not showing compassion as a feeling of the mind towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear of what others might say about me if they are to think that I have 'emotionless attitude' towards them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form relationships with others by feeling compassion towards them,and that way separate mself from them,instead of standing as one as equal as them.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that by my participation within compassion towards others-i am supporting mind consciousness system of other human beings, and their experience towards that i feel compasion for.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to relise that i fear experiencing that towards which i feel compassion for-and thus hiding 'fear' behind that feeling of compassion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself -using compassion and excuses for my dishonesties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I do not feel compassion towards others that-i am not a human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have to feel compassion and be compassionate in order to exist,to feel ALIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from compassion.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to recognise myself as compassion.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to live me as compassion,as the living application of me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that:I am compassion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define compassion as a separate manifestation of me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to live compassion as me as one as equal in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to live compassion as me for me as the living statement of me as 'who I am' as life as one as equal as all.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise myself as compassion,by not accepting and allowing anything less than 'who I really am' in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to live compassion as the living statement of me as me as self honesty HERE in every moment as breath.

s-f money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value/worth to money,by defining it as something indispensable,as something that must be acquired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire
having money,believing without it-I wouldn't be able to survive within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as necessity,as something that must be acquired at 'any cost'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear of losing money,believing that without it-I wouldn't be able to sustain myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as something 'bad'/'root of all evil'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity manifestations through defining money according to polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money for the current situation within this world-shifting responsibility towards something outside of me-instead of realising that is through me acceptance and allowance that the world is manifested this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe money to be the cause of all problems within this world-instead of realising that is not money that is 'problem',but the way that human beings are using it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist money,by defining it as a separate manifestation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put up resistance of having more money then i would possibly need,out of fear that it might have a influence on me and my participation within and as this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ' having/not having' money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'money' to fear itsself,and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously worry about money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear of losing money,will prevent that from happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while writing about money have a picture of money within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach certain pictures/memories/ideas/believes/feelings/emotions to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'respect/worth' to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation by resisting/rejecting money.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to embrace money instead of resisting it.

s-f movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that i am completely/entirely directing me,being directive principle of me-while pain in me feet clearly indicates 'lack' of self-movement.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to move/direct myself,instead of allowing mind to do that for me-driving me through continuous circles of thoughts/emotions /feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregared some thoughts as 'not important enough' and let them slipping through my mind,without stoping/deleting them in the moment of their appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity manifestations through defining thoughts as 'important/not important','good/bad','right/wrong' etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let certain thoughts slip through my mind when doing something/being busy with some task-postponing to 'deal with them' other time,when i am no occupied doing something-instead applying myself in the moment-not allowing single thought to pass through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge within my mind through my participation within thoughts-that way allowing mind to direc t me in those moments-instead of me standing up for me and moving me/directing me.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to be directive principle of me in every moment within and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mind to have 'power over me',through my participation within and as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think mind to be 'more than' me,to have 'control over me'-becouse of my participation within it-instead of realising that that is only a belief/idea-and that if i accept and allow to participate within that belief/idea-that then through me acceptance and allowence-thats exactly what would be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within thoughts /emotions/feelings-and through that-allowing situation within this world to continue as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get cought in idea as if everithing that i do/my participation within this proces,won't stop anything within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want/need to see immidiate results within and as me and as this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as impatience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed impatience to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to be patient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'patience'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me.

s-f on s-f

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously analize what is the most effective way of applying myself within and as this process -instead of just letting go-and stand HERE in absolute s-honesty,in every moment within and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through anilizing to have tendencie to clinge onto knowledge and information ,instead applying it through self corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self-forgiveness ,by defining it as 'effective/not effective' enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being uncertain wether my application is 'effective enough'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being uncertain of wether my application is 'effective enough'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have myself believe my self-forgivneness application to be 'more effective' through writing with a pen on paper than typed on a keyboard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my self-forgiveness application to be 'more effective' while writing than while loudly speeking words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that louder i speak/apply s-forgiveness,more effective to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define effectivnes of my self-forgiveness application according to a volume of my voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about my effectivness within and as this process,instead of trusting me as process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from process,as if it is something that i am suppose to go through-defining it as a maniffestation separate from me-instead of standing as one as equal as process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a certain idea/belief/perception of what should I feel as a 'sign' of release of certain thought/emotion/feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while applying self-forgiveness expect 'tingling sensation' within and as my human physical body,as a 'sign' of release of a certain thought/emotion/feeling-and if that doesn't happen-believing it to not be effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define tingling sensation within and as my human physical body as a 'sign of release' of certain thought patterns.

s-f

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to do this process for me,and me ALONE,and not for anything or anyone outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that this is my individual process,and that I have to STOP worrying about other human beings and their processes-they are responsible for themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pre-occupied with what could/might possibly be occuring within other human beings minds,and 'where they are' within there own processes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other human beings applications within and as this process,instead of realising that each individual is in their own process,and thus responsible for themselves as their own self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about other ppl processes,and use it,as a sort of distraction from my own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future within my mind,thinking about ''time-frame'' of this process-where could I be or what could I do within and as this process-instead of being here in the moment within and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from process,by defining it as a manifestation separate from me,as something that i'm supposeto go through-instead standing as one as equal as process--I m process.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to be HERE in the moment as the breath,instead of being within the mind-wondering about future-about what might happen in t imes to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert my attention from myself as breath here as moment,to thoughts within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from breath-defining it as a manifestation separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take breath for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take anything for granted within and as this existance within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the mind ,instead of me being here with me in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be self-focused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from awareness.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to live/apply/express me within and as self awareness within and as this process.

change

month ago i realised that i had repeating patterns(acts),through m application within and as this process.evry day i had been going to sleep at same t ime-then after waking up i would usually use vocabulary purifier-then would get dressed and go for a morning walk..something that assist me starting m day with no much mind interfering.i even noticed that i had been writing in my journal..at same time paterns during a day.so for the last month i have been `breaking` these `patterns`.Completly changed the way i used to do things.every night=different time using vocabulary purifier,going to sleep,and so on.Movement of me is,here,within and as me.I am directing myself-- even though there r moments when mind ''take over''.mostly when i `catch` myself 'projecting into future,wondering for a moment how this proces will go,in general,for all.who will `make it`-who won't.wondering about those who r still not aware of this process.i have been applying msyelf mostly in my native language,coz of specifficity of self forgivness.not so specific' with e nglish as i'm in m native language-so i'll focus' more on what can assist me more within and as this process.thats why last period of time...i didnt write in english as much.

neighbour

just when i thought it would be hrd for anyone-to couse some reaction within me..it seems that me neighbour does 'pretty good job' at it.im grateful for him..for he just showed me (without him even knowing),how much anger i still have within me.i met him f ew times,he seems like a quiet guy.but actually he is kinda guy that goes out,drink all day,come back home,and project his anger towards his wife.if you ask how the hel do i know all this..well my walls are pretty thin,and he is very loud when he gets pissed of.usually he comes home very late-just when im about to fall a sleep..and always finds reason to yell at his wife.his kid then start crying..and i end u p frustrated about all situation.he's complaining about little things,blaming his wife,for his ''unsatisfaction'' with life.what gets me is tht all these thing that i see in him..somehow i'm allowing within me..as he is just reflecting what i've accepted and allowed in this world nd within me.so i tryed applying s-forgivness standing as him..even though i have a lot of me own 'issues' to deal with.as i 'calmed down',obviously it worked for me..and not much for him,as he continued doing same things,over and over again.well,it must have to do with all drinking thing..being consumed by alcohol,and let all supressed anger out of him.its strange what alcohol do to ppl,many consume it just to let go,to try to forget,and leave 'problems' behind.not realising there is no 'running away',evrything must be faced and dealt with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel anger towards my neighbour-blaming him for cousing anger within me-not realising that it is me suppressed anger that he is reflecting- that which I have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that the reason I feel frustrated towards him is not becouse of him,but becouse of me own suppressed anger that i have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my neighbour for projecting anger towards his wife by yelling at her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought of me projecting my anger towards my neighbour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anger within me-fearing that if i am to express it-i might hurt sombody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide anger within me,resisting it,judging it as a 'bad' emotion-as somthing that should not be expressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have myself believe that there exist no anger within me anymore-that i've peeled of layers within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the anger within me,instead of taking responsibility for myself by being s-honest in every moment of every breath.

barber

I went to a barbershop today.My hair became long,to the point where i had to stand in front of mirror this morning fixing it.So i went to cut it in the nearest barbershop.Place was crowded.I started thinking to go home,then come back later..but that was mind telling me its boring to wait,that i should do somthing more `entertaining`.so i pushed msyelf to stay and wait for me turn.I sat there watching all these ppl reading magazines,waiting for their turn-while i was siting there in and as the breath..`trying ` to not pay attention to the nervous look on a barbers face.There were two of them.This women had frown on her face,posibly cuz it was crowded and she got a lot work to do.I noticed she was very often staring at me,nervously.i thought mabey becouse she wanted to close shop,but i sliped in,so she had to stay longer then planed.At times as thoughts started poping up...i applyed s-forgivness kinda silently so that i can only hear msyelf..then maybe she overheared me,and that was the reason of her staring at me.I `tryed` not to pay attention,yet thet was all i thought about.Now thoughts were running like `crazy`.I started applyin s-forgivnes,but when she looked i would stop moving lips,and speak so that only i can hear myself.at that point started wondering what their reaction would be if i would applyed msyelf aloud...i was to `embarressed` for that one..thought what if she would get angry and ask me to leave,or take me for some `nutcase`.There were thoughts runnin around that much..i couldnt keep with s-forgivness.I wanted to leave for a moment to get msyelf together thn come back.I started making statments,to stay as the breath...so i silent msyelf.it was my turn...but nothing bothered me anymore.Then i left.I realised that i still...have this `nervousnes` within..she was just reflecting it back to m e.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that i make others feel`uncomfortable` in my presence,making them nervous-not realising they are reflcting my state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embaressed when applying self-forgivness in front of others-worring what they might think about me,fearing their judgments-thinking what their reactions might be towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppres my self-expresion becouse of embaresment which i allowed to exist within me-letting situation to direct me,instead of me directing me,me moving me,and not allowing outer influences to `control` me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed resistance to exist within me when applying s-forgivness in front of others-letting resistance to `influence` me,instead of me standing up in that moment,transcending resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the mind instead of me being here with me in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind to direct,control and influence the experience of me by accepting me to participate in thoughts,emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought of what would happen if i am to do something `out of ordinary`,which generated embarresment within me.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to feel embaressed when applying self-forgivness in front of others.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to worry about what others think of me when applying self-forgivness aloud in front of them.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to suppres my self-expression when being around others-not allowing them to influence me in anyway whatsoever.

I am here
I am direction
I direct
I am movement
I move
I am breath
I breathe

leaving

I've read someones post on the forum.He wrote about wanting to leave everything behind-all material things,and move to another place.Reminded me how i wanted to do the sam e some years ago.but come to understanding that its not going to solv e anything.I just wanted to move.To go somewhere into the wild,living in the nature.but remembered the saying:wherever you go-there you are.Realising its all in the head,and it doesnt matter where you are...its all with you as you.Leaving all personal belonings behind,would not change a thing.if still holding unto them in mind.So thats why is helpfull picturing if something of material things are to get 'lost' or taken away...checking-if that would make a difference...would it cause a re-action within.if not,there is no reason leaving them...just knowing that if that is to happen-there to be no movement within.I'm doing this myself.the matterial things are easy to leave behind.What makes it harder for me would be ppl with whom i formed rlationship with.not wanting to 'hurt' their feelings...thinking they would never understand.Anyways,it takes time and a lot of forgivness to sort this one out.but till now its the hardest chalenge...that i'm facing.there are some ppl who i now all my life...and when thinking if i'm never to see them again,deliberatly...makes me 'care' about how they would feel...would they be 'hurt' about that.

movement

I am tired these days.Theres been a lot going on.Till now i've been mostly stoping things.Actually i stoped them quite some time ago...and stayed there...but without movement.I've stoped.and been in the period of waiting.Waiting for what?Waiting for life to direct me.and the more i stayed this way-more frustrated i got...being somwhere in between.I realised that i've been resisting to many things.Still participating in polarity,but only the other side of the coin{by resisting}.i wanted 'easier' way...wanted 'shorter' way..but there is no such a thing,is it?for me was ''easier'' to just stop participation then turning it into self -expresion.I move--but still somtimes mind moves...comes in waves...its a struggle.Before i thoght:mind STOP=movement occurs.but no-after mind STOP-thers point in between if i dont mov e....and is frustrating if staying there.Its actually me directing myself fro m there[[which till now i was not quite 'succesfull' at]].Now everything got to be s-movement, s-expresion--or instead being in this point in between-where i dont want to find msyelf again.All this time before, wherever i got that 'stuck' feeling-was actually me wiating for life to move me,to direct me-instead of me doing it myself.

scream

Today i went to a coffey house.Brought my journal with me and did some writing there while being around all these ppl.Laud chater everywhere around me.I k new that very soon somthing is going to distract me.I experianced being there-(in and as the breath)-like phisicly working in the field.Somone would do somthing which would triger thoughts to start poping up.Thats why i went there in a first place....to test msyelf,to see if there is any re-actions towards anythin' or anyone.I found,being home..in and as the breath..going smoothly,trough all day with very litle thoughts.But for a difference going out(to a crowded place like this one),with to many ppl around,it comes screaming back to me.What i experianced is like all these ppl have one job to do--to distract ME.It's interesting watching differnt behaviors of others..and noticing where i bhave the same way,but not realising until seeing it in others.Mind trying to hide them frm me.There is allways somthing popping up, showing me where i'm not clear yet.At som' point i was applaying S-F for msyelf,then when seeing somone doing somthing(like arguing)...placing them as me and applying S-F as thm as me...so at 1 point all i did was (constantly) applying S-F (no pouse)for all that tiime ...and actually at that 1 point i wanted to get up and start screaming.Then after som' time,thing started gting 'better'.finaly silence within msyelf.

touch

While typing on a keyboard I tend to loose-focus on the breath.I find typing forgivnesess on the computer--not effective that much as writing them.Thats why I allways write them with pen in m y notebook.While writing I focus on the thouch of the pen...with breath-this keeps me completly focused.Breath is foundation...but touch is what..supports me greatly.Thats why I allways have something in my hands,like a key chain or coins-focusin on touch and the breath at the same time...it keeps me Here in the moment.I watched one of the Andrew videos givin' a tip abouth showering with lights turned of..focusing on touch,being aware of the body.I tryed this and its the o nly wa y Im doing it now.Its fascinating how much more of the body...am aware then.Cant see anything-so my focus is completly on the touch...which keeps me here,without mind interfering.Payin' attenton on the body movements,like:-while walking focusing on my shoes,the clapping sound of shoes,way my feet feeels inside them..seeing everything as- alive.Cold breeze,bird chirpin' or noise in the city..by payin' attenton to all this..no room for mind interfering.I'm turning everythin' in self-support..not taking anythin' for granted.As I said (for me)breath=amazzing,but without all the 'other' support..i would have much harder time..bieng Here in the moment.

noise

Last days I am going more in crowded places..more intercting with other ppl,communicating,testing myseslf,seeing if there is any reactions wthin,to apply self-forgivnes for.Thats what I 'missed' before-just realized that.I kinda 'secluded' myself-me and process,all day long--went all good,but when interacting with to many ppl at once --started loosing focus.When walking in the nature,by sea shore ...like 'peacefull' enviroment,was so easier to be''silent within myself...but then for a change walking through the city,to many things start..getting your attention.So I started now,being more in crowded places..just being silent where is 'noise- focused on my breath..where there is to many things trying to distract me.Thats when I am 'testing' myself...see if there is any movement from within-any reaction.Last days I've been noticing,while being in dfferent kind of situations--that I 'try to not to pay attention to them.When seeing ppl doing somthing that seek my attention,I 'try to pretend' like nothing is happening..just so the thoughts don't sart poping up.You see somone doing this,other doing that...then curiosity kicks in...so I noticed that by not 'paying attention to such situations... that then curiosity emerge and they become more intense.I tryed so many tiimes to ignore the situation..but found out thoughts re more 'intense' coz of curiosity.So a lot easier to actually pay 'attention' to a situation'..not trying to ignore it,see if thoughts arise,and then applying self-forgvnes,delete thm and move on.

breath

I just went out for a walk.Wind is blowing which I e-njoy becouse it goes against my skin-- keeps' me here in the moment,its amazzzing how much support there is to 'keep you aware, focused on the breath.Thats why I e-njoy being in the nature,taking a walk,being' myself.Just breathing,geting away from the computer for a bit-- when sitting tomuch at computer I kinda- start 'losing' focus on breathing.When it is cold and rain outside also 'great support' ,raindrops falling on my face,me just here in the moment breathing.I found out that last days am kinda 'pushing' myself- trying to do many things at once-expeccting immediate results.Apllying forgivnesess bu t while applying 'losing' focus of breath-kinda 'forgeting the point' of being here,breathing,being in the moment.I e-njoy taking these long walks in the nature- found out mi'nd is 'less active' then,no d'stracions.
I AM NATURE
I AM THE WIND
I AM THE RAIN
I AM THE SNOW
I AM THE EARTH
I AM THE THREE
I AM THE SUN
I AM THE MOON
I AM THE AIR
I AM WATER
I AM LIFE
I AM SILENCE
I AM BREATH
I AM HERE
I AM AWARE

blogs

I just r ealized that while reading something for the first time,and have a und'rstanding of that, by reading it another time(another hour,day,month doesn't matter) I kinda see the points that didn't noticed before.Thats why I even read some of the blogs of others more than once and 'everytime realize' something new about it.While reading blogs of others I've noticed how much 'our processes are similar.We ar' mostly facing the same is'ues which really shows how the 'mind' works.Very often in som'ones blog I notice the points that I am fac'ing now or that I've faced before.Even when I t'ink that I dealt with some particul'r point while reading som'ones post on blog,I realiz'e that I 'missed' som'thing which this person is writing about.When 'facing the point' wich I find diffic'lt and start t'inking that I am the 'only one' facing this just to find out there are a lot of pthers going trough the same thing.Sometimes I got fr'strated when I face the point that I th'ink I've dealt with before just to 'create more reasons' for applying self-forgivnes,instead puting that b'hind me and just moving on.I tend to get irittatedd and fall into the 'mind' getting cough't in curiosity to follow the though'ts.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself when facing the same point that I have dealt with before instead of realizing that there are 'more then one layer' of that point which I have to apply self-forgivness for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by feeling guilt for allowing myself to get angry and frustrated when facing the same point that I've faced before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to fall into the mind 'searching' for the point being 'missed' instead of being here moving me,directing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for the answer within the mind instead living the question and 'walking' into and living the answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'sorry' for myself and get cought in that 'self-pity' mode and blaming everything outside of myself when facing the same point that I faced before instead of being here,standing up and taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts and get cought in curiosity to follow them like they can show me where the point is being 'missed',instead of realising that thoughs will just go in rounds leading me nowhere near the answer for the answer is not within the mind.

laugh

Today my --friend- is coming to visit me.I know her for some years now and she-helped me with so many things.She likes sometimes to tell jokes which mostly I don't find quite 'funny' but nevertheless I laugh on them just in order to be 'polite'.Last days I heard a lot of jokes- many of them were 'funny' but a lot of them-didn't get or found not funny.Most of the stories or jokes-I hear from ppl that I kno w since my childhood.I've shared many laughs and cries with most of them.They don't want you to be differennt for they 'like' you the way you are-the way you always have been.I find myself very often in 'situations' when they tell me some stories or some jokes-some of them I don't find 'funny' but still laugh coz of fearr that I might insult them by not laughing.When they tell the joke and start laughing I can't -help but laugh for the fear that they might be insulted and get angry at me.Especiaally with elders coz I grew up-being told that you always 'must respect' older than yourself-so I laugh fearing that by not laughing they will see me as not 'polite' and r ude,and will turn back on me or n'ver speak to me again.It's just har'd being that blunt with ppl.Just to tell some-one,(when being asked why I havn't laughed),in honesty that I didn't find joke 'funny' is still kinda 'hard' for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh on jokes even though I don't find them 'funny' but laugh just in order to be 'polite'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others might think of me if I just be honest and express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not laughing on other people jokes becouse I fear what their reaction would be,that they might get angry at me and stop speaking to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing those around me becouse I have identified myself how they percieve me to be instead of realising that I am here and can't lose anything that I am in this world but not of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear of being jugded by others and defined as not 'polite' and 'rude'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that when joke being told it must be 'funny' and so when it's not I allowed myself to define person as not being 'funny' thus defining person according to the words they speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the words of others and giving a meaning to them thus defining a person according to the words they speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for the same things which I've done or still do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about 'feelings and emotions of others instead of realising that only mind care for feellings and emotions and that me as who I am is not emotions,thoughts or feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what others might think of me when I express myself and fearing what their reaction would be instead standing here as the breath being stable and not careing for anything or anyone becouse only mind care.

I do not allow myself to participate in thoughts,emotions and feelings.
I do not allow myself to care about what others think of me.
I do not allow myself to fear judgment of others.
I do not allow myself to fear losing those around me when being honest.
I do not allow myself to exist within the mind.
I do not allow myself to have resistance within me.

I AM STRENGTH.

I AM COURAGE.

I AM TRUST.

I AM STABLE.

silence

When there is nothing to say,yet wanting to say something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to say something to someone when there is nothing to say at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have myself believe that I should say something just in order to 'break' silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to say something when being around others just to make others be 'comfortable' in my presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to say something so that others may think and say that I am 'interesting'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have myself to believe that when being in presence of others it is 'unatural' to be silent and thus I speak to be 'polite'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to speak when being around others just so that they can think that I am 'interesting' and thus wanting to be in my presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to sound 'inteligent' when speaking to others and so I take on act and choose words 'carefully'.

I forgive myself that I heve accepted and allowed words to direct me instead me directing me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I have not something to say in presence of others that they will think that I am not 'interesting' and thus don't want to be around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone might think that I am 'stupid' if I don't say much while being in their presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by feeling guilt when saying something to someone just in order to 'break' the silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others if I stay silent in their presence when having nothing to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start fidgeting when being alone with someone and have nothing to say but wanting something to say just in order to 'break' the silence,instead of me being here with and as the breat and not letting situation to contrtol me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desire to present myself to others in a way that I would like others to percieve me and that is why I take on act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let certain situations to direct me instead of me directing me and me moving me.
I do not allow situations to direct me.
I do not allow mind to direct me.
I do not allow others to direct me.
I do not allow thoughts to direct me.
I DIRECT ME.
I MOVE ME.
I EXPRESS ME.

sleep

Till now I slept mostly 5-6 hours per day with intention to gradually come to the point where I would sleep max. 4 hours per day.Today I just did that and woke up at 4 am but made a decision that while being awake do nothing but focus on my breath and be silent and still within myself,and stay away from anything wich would entertain the mind such as watching TV or anything else for that matter.So I woke up and start focusing on my breath,and stoping all thoughts that would arise.Here in all silence there was this shiny clock in my room which started reminding me of the time and how slowly it was going.Than sence of 'bordom' started kicking in,thoughts started intensifying re'minding me how long time this is to stay focused on the breath and do nothing,so I started being 'tempted' to turn on Tv or do somthing to stop 'bordom'.But as everything was quiet and I was kinda laying on the sofa i realized that I would be falling a sleep if I don't get up and start moving,so I decided to write my journal until the sun rise so that I could go out for a walk in park.When walking in the nature thats the time where I could easily be silent and still within myself.I AM NATURE.I AM BREATH.I AM EARTH.I AM HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'bored' instead of realising that bordom is a state of mind and is not real so it is just the mind trying to 'lure' me into thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let thoughts popping up in my head trying to bring curiosity within me to follow them and do something which is defined as 'fun'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the 'bordom' will get to me and that I'll do something which is defined as 'fun' instead of trusting myself that I am here as the breath and that nothing moves me or direct me but me directing myself and me moving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the clock in my room distract me by showing me the time and letting me lose focus of my breath.

scent

Yesterday as I was walking,there was this girl passing by me,and what happend was that she had this parfume wich I defined as 'nice'.Here is where I've discovered that I still.define scent according to polarity.So this one is little 'tricky' to get over with as the reaction was so automatic that my body reacted even before the thought occured.Also this scent brought some past memories while sensing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define something outside of me as 'nice',founded on a perceptual idea of what nice could be defined in a separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when women pass by me with a scent of parfume, instead of staying focused on my breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose focus of my breath when I notice the scent of parfume that this woman wear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity manifestation by defining scent according to polarity.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to have pictures in my head of certain person when sensing a scent of parfume that this person used to wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have past memories in my head when sensing scent of parfume,instead of realizing that this is mind trying to bring curiosity within me to follow this thoughts, so that I can focus on the past instead of being here with me in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of my last girlfriend when sensing the scent of parfume which she used to wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the scent of parfume which which women passing by me wear,awake past memories of my last relationship in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the scent of parfume awake memories of how I used to be in a relationship with my last girlfriend and how she used to smell.

why?

It's been a couple of months now since I started this process of stoping the mind.I got all tool needed from desteni site,but missed' some points at begining and 'fell' few times but allways found where the point is being 'missed'.I applyed the knowledge given and was doing 'well' by focusing on the breath,applying self-forgivness and writing a journal but last days kinda got 'stuck' and having 'difficulties' finding-where is point being 'mis'ed.I 'wanted' to shere with others,by opening this blog,what is it that I am experiencing so that we could support eachoth'r.By doing this we are suppoting ourselves becouse we are one and equal.S o I woke up today just to find myself 'having thoughts.The most 'difficult' time for me focusing on my breath is just when I wake up.Last days I kinda feelstuck,and can't find what is being 'missed here.Having a 'feeling' as being lost and 'feeling nervousnes' in my stomach kinda like when you want to throw up.So as I was looking to find out what is cousing this and why after so much time now of being here as the breath am I--falling' like n'ver before.With what I came up is that,mabey I got this to hrd on myself,like being in a boot camp.I'm self-disciplined but mabey being to much,is what is cousing this as I stoped exercising which I did since I was 14 becouse I find out that my m'nd is mostly active then while lifting weights,shorten up my sleep to 5-6 hours and when being self-honest kinda looking to not interact with many people.But what suprise me is that the more I did this-- started to experiance some kind of 'depresion' and lostnes which,I didn't had before.This brought confusion while geting this feeling in the morning or throughout a day,I 'start wandering' why,and funny enough start 'falling in the mind' looking for an answer.I 'think' mabey mi'nd is fighting for itself and cousing my body to react this way.Now I will 'try' to balance things,take them slowly,see what happens.Now some self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and let the thoughts circle around in my head trying to bring confusion within me trying to bring me down.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by feeling guilt for allowing myself to think and participate in the mind instead of being here in the moment as the breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for allowing mysef to feel 'stuck' instead of realising that feeling stuck is state of mind and that as I stand up for myself I will move and direct myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have myself to believe that in the morning is the most difficul time to focus on breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to participate in the mind and exist in the mind instead of being here with and as the breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist me instead of directing me,moving me, expresing me.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to focus on the breath and be silent and still within myself instead leting mind controling me and telling me how should I behave what should I say.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the mind,when facing the point I faced before and wandering why am I facing it again,and looking for an answer within the mind instead of living the question and the answer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear of falling into the mind and letting the mind controling me instead of realising that mind can only do that if I allow that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'stuck' and can't find way out instead of trusting myself that I am directing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervousnes in my stomach and focus on the nervousnes in my stomach instead of focusing on my breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be confused and letting the mind telling that I am confused instead of realisin that is mind being confused and not me as I am here in the moment as the breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be depressed anbecouse I let the mind telling me how my state is instead of standing up and directin and moving myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'lost',intead of realizing that I can't be lost and that I am here standing as life as one and equal as all.

in begining

I grow up in a small town where any move you make was watched and if out of ordinary judged.As a kid I didn't care for other people opinions about me as I was just expresing myself,but as I grow older,fear of being different kicked in.Not giving comments on other people behavior,or not judging others could label you as boring and strange and could leave you easily without friends.But no,I didn't want that so I made sure that don't happen to me.So I changed completely in order to fit in.I don't know the exact point but I guess it happened gradually(don't know if this is the right word).So the kid that I once was 'died' within me,and I become no different then anybody else just like society 'wanted' me to be.I was so good at this fitin' in,that I didn't 'recognise' myself anymore.Gossip was a gospel in this town,so the more you speak behind others people back,more you are interesting and more friends you got.This is a place where almost everybody is a christian, and being anything beside that makes you an outsider.I as raised christian started questioning 'God' at a very young age.I r'member just before starting to sleep ,I would close my eyes and think as this world is all that is,as there is nothing else and as we are here by 'accident'.Then a strange feeling of fear' would go trough me,but not in normal way,this was something as a mixed 'coctail of feelings' wich coused me to later on,start looking for some answers about this existance.But strange enough as though I 'hated this feeling when thinking,that there is nothing afterlife,I continue doing it from time to time.I kinda 'liked' being scared to death(strange).As time went by I more often started asking myself question:"Who am I?",and what is the point or 'purpose' to all this.So I decided to start looking for some answers.I started reading bieble but the more I read more confused I got.So I just stoped reading for there was a lot contradicions and also brought more fear' to me?Than I started looking for paranormal phenomena and on my suprise there was a lot of proof which indicated that people still exist after death.I was intrigued by that and investigated further.Just knowing that you still exist was not enough for me becouse I wanted to know what the 'hell are we doing here.This question lead me to study a lot of subject from different religions to philosophy to...I actually neve' thought of 'God' as a old bearded man,which is why I found interesting the 'lost' gospel of judas.I kinda had a 'feeling' that my searching for answer will lead me to the 'core of the truth'.So all came together when I read the book called ''seth speaks".I was trying at that time to place the pieces together from every subject that I read to fit the 'puzzle',and a lot from Seth material made sense to me at that time.Still there was something missing or so I 'felt',so I started reading mostly all channelings from Kryon,Abraham-Hicks,the Group....I even bought a book from Sanaya Roman:"opening to channel",in order to get some answers for myself,but with no result?Then I decided to go and visit some of channelers in order to get some answers.I found one lady who was chanelling 'themaster of the galaxy' through son who died.I sheduled private sesion and went to visit her.She was lovely lady who sad that she is channeling for many years and that her son who died is making conection between her and the being that she channel becouse he is far from this dimension.I asked why am I here,and the purpose' for being here.The answer was that,I am here---to bring 'harmony here on earth and that I'll be able to speak with nature,anymals...that I'll;travel around the world--and spread the 'energy' of 'harmony';and be some kind of leader in next 20 years.I 'wanted to check what would some other channel say so I visited "the group" which sad things basicly the same but bit different.They sad that I---would channel and write many books and help' a lot of people.It was all based on hope.At that time I was--meditating on equality and ones--but that was based on'love'(doing a lot. of self-forgivenesses on this one).Than one they while checking some spiritual site I've found desteni.Here started a new 'chapter'' of my life!