barber

I went to a barbershop today.My hair became long,to the point where i had to stand in front of mirror this morning fixing it.So i went to cut it in the nearest barbershop.Place was crowded.I started thinking to go home,then come back later..but that was mind telling me its boring to wait,that i should do somthing more `entertaining`.so i pushed msyelf to stay and wait for me turn.I sat there watching all these ppl reading magazines,waiting for their turn-while i was siting there in and as the breath..`trying ` to not pay attention to the nervous look on a barbers face.There were two of them.This women had frown on her face,posibly cuz it was crowded and she got a lot work to do.I noticed she was very often staring at me,nervously.i thought mabey becouse she wanted to close shop,but i sliped in,so she had to stay longer then planed.At times as thoughts started poping up...i applyed s-forgivness kinda silently so that i can only hear msyelf..then maybe she overheared me,and that was the reason of her staring at me.I `tryed` not to pay attention,yet thet was all i thought about.Now thoughts were running like `crazy`.I started applyin s-forgivnes,but when she looked i would stop moving lips,and speak so that only i can hear myself.at that point started wondering what their reaction would be if i would applyed msyelf aloud...i was to `embarressed` for that one..thought what if she would get angry and ask me to leave,or take me for some `nutcase`.There were thoughts runnin around that much..i couldnt keep with s-forgivness.I wanted to leave for a moment to get msyelf together thn come back.I started making statments,to stay as the breath...so i silent msyelf.it was my turn...but nothing bothered me anymore.Then i left.I realised that i still...have this `nervousnes` within..she was just reflecting it back to m e.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that i make others feel`uncomfortable` in my presence,making them nervous-not realising they are reflcting my state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embaressed when applying self-forgivness in front of others-worring what they might think about me,fearing their judgments-thinking what their reactions might be towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppres my self-expresion becouse of embaresment which i allowed to exist within me-letting situation to direct me,instead of me directing me,me moving me,and not allowing outer influences to `control` me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed resistance to exist within me when applying s-forgivness in front of others-letting resistance to `influence` me,instead of me standing up in that moment,transcending resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the mind instead of me being here with me in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind to direct,control and influence the experience of me by accepting me to participate in thoughts,emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought of what would happen if i am to do something `out of ordinary`,which generated embarresment within me.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to feel embaressed when applying self-forgivness in front of others.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to worry about what others think of me when applying self-forgivness aloud in front of them.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to suppres my self-expression when being around others-not allowing them to influence me in anyway whatsoever.

I am here
I am direction
I direct
I am movement
I move
I am breath
I breathe