neighbour

just when i thought it would be hrd for anyone-to couse some reaction within me..it seems that me neighbour does 'pretty good job' at it.im grateful for him..for he just showed me (without him even knowing),how much anger i still have within me.i met him f ew times,he seems like a quiet guy.but actually he is kinda guy that goes out,drink all day,come back home,and project his anger towards his wife.if you ask how the hel do i know all this..well my walls are pretty thin,and he is very loud when he gets pissed of.usually he comes home very late-just when im about to fall a sleep..and always finds reason to yell at his wife.his kid then start crying..and i end u p frustrated about all situation.he's complaining about little things,blaming his wife,for his ''unsatisfaction'' with life.what gets me is tht all these thing that i see in him..somehow i'm allowing within me..as he is just reflecting what i've accepted and allowed in this world nd within me.so i tryed applying s-forgivness standing as him..even though i have a lot of me own 'issues' to deal with.as i 'calmed down',obviously it worked for me..and not much for him,as he continued doing same things,over and over again.well,it must have to do with all drinking thing..being consumed by alcohol,and let all supressed anger out of him.its strange what alcohol do to ppl,many consume it just to let go,to try to forget,and leave 'problems' behind.not realising there is no 'running away',evrything must be faced and dealt with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel anger towards my neighbour-blaming him for cousing anger within me-not realising that it is me suppressed anger that he is reflecting- that which I have accepted and allowed within me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that the reason I feel frustrated towards him is not becouse of him,but becouse of me own suppressed anger that i have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my neighbour for projecting anger towards his wife by yelling at her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought of me projecting my anger towards my neighbour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anger within me-fearing that if i am to express it-i might hurt sombody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide anger within me,resisting it,judging it as a 'bad' emotion-as somthing that should not be expressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have myself believe that there exist no anger within me anymore-that i've peeled of layers within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the anger within me,instead of taking responsibility for myself by being s-honest in every moment of every breath.

barber

I went to a barbershop today.My hair became long,to the point where i had to stand in front of mirror this morning fixing it.So i went to cut it in the nearest barbershop.Place was crowded.I started thinking to go home,then come back later..but that was mind telling me its boring to wait,that i should do somthing more `entertaining`.so i pushed msyelf to stay and wait for me turn.I sat there watching all these ppl reading magazines,waiting for their turn-while i was siting there in and as the breath..`trying ` to not pay attention to the nervous look on a barbers face.There were two of them.This women had frown on her face,posibly cuz it was crowded and she got a lot work to do.I noticed she was very often staring at me,nervously.i thought mabey becouse she wanted to close shop,but i sliped in,so she had to stay longer then planed.At times as thoughts started poping up...i applyed s-forgivness kinda silently so that i can only hear msyelf..then maybe she overheared me,and that was the reason of her staring at me.I `tryed` not to pay attention,yet thet was all i thought about.Now thoughts were running like `crazy`.I started applyin s-forgivnes,but when she looked i would stop moving lips,and speak so that only i can hear myself.at that point started wondering what their reaction would be if i would applyed msyelf aloud...i was to `embarressed` for that one..thought what if she would get angry and ask me to leave,or take me for some `nutcase`.There were thoughts runnin around that much..i couldnt keep with s-forgivness.I wanted to leave for a moment to get msyelf together thn come back.I started making statments,to stay as the breath...so i silent msyelf.it was my turn...but nothing bothered me anymore.Then i left.I realised that i still...have this `nervousnes` within..she was just reflecting it back to m e.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that i make others feel`uncomfortable` in my presence,making them nervous-not realising they are reflcting my state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embaressed when applying self-forgivness in front of others-worring what they might think about me,fearing their judgments-thinking what their reactions might be towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppres my self-expresion becouse of embaresment which i allowed to exist within me-letting situation to direct me,instead of me directing me,me moving me,and not allowing outer influences to `control` me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed resistance to exist within me when applying s-forgivness in front of others-letting resistance to `influence` me,instead of me standing up in that moment,transcending resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the mind instead of me being here with me in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind to direct,control and influence the experience of me by accepting me to participate in thoughts,emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought of what would happen if i am to do something `out of ordinary`,which generated embarresment within me.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to feel embaressed when applying self-forgivness in front of others.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to worry about what others think of me when applying self-forgivness aloud in front of them.

`Till here no further:I do not allow myself to suppres my self-expression when being around others-not allowing them to influence me in anyway whatsoever.

I am here
I am direction
I direct
I am movement
I move
I am breath
I breathe

leaving

I've read someones post on the forum.He wrote about wanting to leave everything behind-all material things,and move to another place.Reminded me how i wanted to do the sam e some years ago.but come to understanding that its not going to solv e anything.I just wanted to move.To go somewhere into the wild,living in the nature.but remembered the saying:wherever you go-there you are.Realising its all in the head,and it doesnt matter where you are...its all with you as you.Leaving all personal belonings behind,would not change a thing.if still holding unto them in mind.So thats why is helpfull picturing if something of material things are to get 'lost' or taken away...checking-if that would make a difference...would it cause a re-action within.if not,there is no reason leaving them...just knowing that if that is to happen-there to be no movement within.I'm doing this myself.the matterial things are easy to leave behind.What makes it harder for me would be ppl with whom i formed rlationship with.not wanting to 'hurt' their feelings...thinking they would never understand.Anyways,it takes time and a lot of forgivness to sort this one out.but till now its the hardest chalenge...that i'm facing.there are some ppl who i now all my life...and when thinking if i'm never to see them again,deliberatly...makes me 'care' about how they would feel...would they be 'hurt' about that.