laugh

Today my --friend- is coming to visit me.I know her for some years now and she-helped me with so many things.She likes sometimes to tell jokes which mostly I don't find quite 'funny' but nevertheless I laugh on them just in order to be 'polite'.Last days I heard a lot of jokes- many of them were 'funny' but a lot of them-didn't get or found not funny.Most of the stories or jokes-I hear from ppl that I kno w since my childhood.I've shared many laughs and cries with most of them.They don't want you to be differennt for they 'like' you the way you are-the way you always have been.I find myself very often in 'situations' when they tell me some stories or some jokes-some of them I don't find 'funny' but still laugh coz of fearr that I might insult them by not laughing.When they tell the joke and start laughing I can't -help but laugh for the fear that they might be insulted and get angry at me.Especiaally with elders coz I grew up-being told that you always 'must respect' older than yourself-so I laugh fearing that by not laughing they will see me as not 'polite' and r ude,and will turn back on me or n'ver speak to me again.It's just har'd being that blunt with ppl.Just to tell some-one,(when being asked why I havn't laughed),in honesty that I didn't find joke 'funny' is still kinda 'hard' for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh on jokes even though I don't find them 'funny' but laugh just in order to be 'polite'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others might think of me if I just be honest and express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not laughing on other people jokes becouse I fear what their reaction would be,that they might get angry at me and stop speaking to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing those around me becouse I have identified myself how they percieve me to be instead of realising that I am here and can't lose anything that I am in this world but not of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear of being jugded by others and defined as not 'polite' and 'rude'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that when joke being told it must be 'funny' and so when it's not I allowed myself to define person as not being 'funny' thus defining person according to the words they speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the words of others and giving a meaning to them thus defining a person according to the words they speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for the same things which I've done or still do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about 'feelings and emotions of others instead of realising that only mind care for feellings and emotions and that me as who I am is not emotions,thoughts or feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what others might think of me when I express myself and fearing what their reaction would be instead standing here as the breath being stable and not careing for anything or anyone becouse only mind care.

I do not allow myself to participate in thoughts,emotions and feelings.
I do not allow myself to care about what others think of me.
I do not allow myself to fear judgment of others.
I do not allow myself to fear losing those around me when being honest.
I do not allow myself to exist within the mind.
I do not allow myself to have resistance within me.

I AM STRENGTH.

I AM COURAGE.

I AM TRUST.

I AM STABLE.