Mar 24, 2008
scream
Today i went to a coffey house.Brought my journal with me and did some writing there while being around all these ppl.Laud chater everywhere around me.I k new that very soon somthing is going to distract me.I experianced being there-(in and as the breath)-like phisicly working in the field.Somone would do somthing which would triger thoughts to start poping up.Thats why i went there in a first place....to test msyelf,to see if there is any re-actions towards anythin' or anyone.I found,being home..in and as the breath..going smoothly,trough all day with very litle thoughts.But for a difference going out(to a crowded place like this one),with to many ppl around,it comes screaming back to me.What i experianced is like all these ppl have one job to do--to distract ME.It's interesting watching differnt behaviors of others..and noticing where i bhave the same way,but not realising until seeing it in others.Mind trying to hide them frm me.There is allways somthing popping up, showing me where i'm not clear yet.At som' point i was applaying S-F for msyelf,then when seeing somone doing somthing(like arguing)...placing them as me and applying S-F as thm as me...so at 1 point all i did was (constantly) applying S-F (no pouse)for all that tiime ...and actually at that 1 point i wanted to get up and start screaming.Then after som' time,thing started gting 'better'.finaly silence within msyelf.
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1 comment:
One thing that I have realized of late is that tests don't exist! I used to test myself or believe that I was being tested not even realizing that I had made the conclusion already that I "need a test". Why would I need a test? Because even though I am addressing my fear/problem, I am also acknowledging it within and as me.
I liked your story though, it's fun to realize that whatever circumstace you find yourself in, every single person/thing played it's role to perfection - even you.
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